On the Way To the Wedding

Gregory's Story

The Prologue kicks off, Run Lola Run style. Gregory Bridgerton is running through London on his way to a church. He has a wedding to stop! How very Benjamin Braddock of him. Full disclosure: I have never watched The Graduate in its entirety or, in fact, any part of it other than that scene at the end where Dustin Hoffman is banging on the church door. And so here we are: Gregory arrives at the altar just before the I Dos and tells the (unidentified) bride that he loves her and asks her to marry him. Why this 11^th hour proposal? Who is the bride? And what is she going to do next?

We are about to find out.

Two Months Earlier

Gregory Bridgerton is the youngest son and only remaining unmarried sibling in the family. At 26, he is in no particular rush to get married but is looking forward to it. Gregory, you see, is a hardcore believer in True Love. His seven happily married siblings have seen to that. The Bridgertons are batting well above average, to be sure. Gregory is certain that he, too, will find his one true love and live happily ever after. So certain that he’s not too fussed about doing anything significant with his life for the time being; he’s gonna figure out his life’s purpose after he gets married. Look, let’s just come out and say it now: Gregory is going to be a Wife Guy. THAT’S gonna be his life’s purpose. Julia Quinn has run out of interesting career options for her gentleman heroes – Anthony, Simon, and Michael manage their respective estates, Benedict is an artist, Colin is a writer, Philip is a botanist, Gareth manages his wife’s money – and Gregory is fresh out of luck. As far as his marriage prospects go, he’s not quite top-drawer, being a Viscount’s 4^th son and all, but he has enough money to support a wife comfortably and has the typical Bridgerton charms, so he’s probably going to do alright … once he finds the right woman.

Gregory has come to Aubrey Hall, the Bridgertons’ country estate, to attend a week-long house party organized by Kanthony. Before he can join the evening’s dancing party in the garden, Anthony insists on delivering a brotherly lecture: Gregory needs to start showing some diligence and direction in his life, aka Gregory needs a J-O-B. No arguments there. Gregory is, like, I’m a bad shot so the military is out, I guess clergy it is. Anthony is ready to call the archbishop right then and there to get his baby brother a cushy sinecure, but Gregory is a nepo baby who doesn’t especially want to get work. Ummm, ungrateful if you ask me. Anthony falls back on his other default suggestion: maybe Gregory should get married instead. This whole getting-married-as-a-way-for-a-Bridgerton-man-to-adult strategy is not my favourite, but this family freaking loves it. Gregory is totally down for this plan, he just needs to meet The One. Fate is, like, you rang?

Gregory finally escapes Anthony and goes to the garden in search of food, having arrived from London late and hungry. Instead of food, he finds Cupid. He sees a girl – from behind – and is instantly, in Gregory’s own words, “wrecked”. He has found The One. Just like that?? Umm, apparently. Legit question: can you fall in lust (never mind love) with someone without even seeing their face? And I’m not talking about a blind date where you’ve talked to the person before but, like, a complete stranger. I have no idea what Julia Quinn is trying to achieve with this ridiculous set-up other than reinforcing what a hopeless romantic Gregory is. Sorry, it doesn’t work for me. It’s a nice change of pace from all those emotionally closed-in Bridgerton men, but it’s almost too much of an over-correction. “Calm down, Gregory” is my refrain for this story.

Anyway, Gregory’s One is too busy talking to her friend to notice love-struck Gregory. He is not deterred and goes over to meet his fate introduce himself. The friend is called Lucinda – Lucy –Abernathy and The One is called, wait for it, Hermione Watson. Well, we know who Julia Quinn’s favourite Harry Potter character is. Hermione is beautiful and nice, which is why Gregory is neither the first nor the last man to be struck dumb with love at the sight of her. Lucy is, like, le sigh: here we go again. Lucy and Hermione are best friends, having met at an educational establishment called, I sh*t you not, Miss Moss’ School for Exceptional Young Ladies. I guess you don’t need an advertising budget when it’s all right there in the name. Lucy and Hermione are both daughters of aristocratic families and are about to embark upon their first season. Kanthony’s week-long party is a sort of pre-game event, as it were. The dynamic between Lucy and Hermione is very similar to that of Lizzie and Jane Bennett in Pride & Prejudice. Hermione is the exquisitely beautiful, sweet, dreamy one; Lucy is the intelligent, witty, organized one. Lucy is also “reasonably attractive” but not to the degree of striking men dumb with her beauty. I still don’t get why this sort of explanation is necessary in a romance novel where, presumably, there is a lid for every pot – someone is definitely going to find a woman the most beautiful ever, if that woman is the heroine of the story. Not that I want to jump ahead here, ahem.

Gregory makes a good impression on Lucy by speaking to and kissing her hand first, before turning to Hermione (who usually gets all the attention). Gregory has game! Lucy thinks he’s got more potential than most of the men who chase after Hermione … too bad that Hermione is already in love with someone else. Hahaha – take that, Gregory’s love at first sight! And for good measure, Lucy is ‘taken’ too; she’s been engaged for years to a Lord Haselby, son and heir of the Earl of Davenport. Lucy briefly wonders if Gregory might possibly be interested in her but, no, it’s definitely Hermione who’s the object of his attentions. Lucy isn’t disappointed per se … but she’s also not not disappointed, you know? Gregory is a moon-eyed calf, per Lucy’s own description, so I’m not entirely sure why she would be remotely interested in him. Maybe she can sense he’s related to Colin?

Gregory asks Hermione to dance but she would rather not and makes an excuse, so he has no choice but to ask Lucy instead. He decides he’ll use this as an opportunity to try to get into Hermione’s good graces by being nice to her friend. He figures this is a safe strategy, having detected no rivalry between the two young women. And he is right: no toxic friendships here. Lucy is genuinely devoted to Hermione. Lucy is also observant enough to have noticed that Gregory arrived late to the party and is presumably famished; so she proposes they walk by the refreshments table instead of dancing, which raises her in Gregory’s estimation immensely. Lucy has a younger brother, so she knows all about young men and their need to stay well fed. They make chit-chat and Lucy doesn’t waste any time informing Gregory that he has a rival for Hermione’s affections. Gregory pretends to be all nonchalant, but Lucy isn’t fooled. She tells him that men fall in love with Hermione all the time. Yeah, Gregory, you’re nothing special! Lucy adds that she, too, is engaged, but Gregory is still too shattered by the Hermione thing to have any feelings about that bit. They look around and, speak of the devil beauty, Hermione has disappeared. Lucy and Gregory go to find out what happened, and Kate tells them that Hermione decided to retire early due to a head cold. I smell an excuse! Kate, meanwhile, looks at Gregory and Lucy and smells some matchmaking possibilities. Boy, is she in for a surprise.

Lucy goes to find Hermione in her bedroom. The head cold? Non-existent. It was just an excuse … an excuse for Hermione to read her beau’s recently delivered letter in privacy. Hermione and her beau, Mr. Edmonds, have a star-crossed lovers situation going on; Hermione is the daughter of an Earl, and Mr. Edmonds is said Earl’s private secretary. Hermione doesn’t care – you don’t choose who you fall in love with, as far as she’s concerned. Lucy disagrees because she’s very much a pragmatist with an arranged marriage in the works. Everybody’s got their biases, right? Hermione won’t hear about it. See, she was walking in her parents’ garden one day and saw a man – from behind, in profile – heard music, the heavens parting and the whole nine yards, and realized she was “ruined”. Well, not in a sexy, compromising-situation kind of way. She just fell head over heels in love with some rando dude she saw for a split second. Does this sound familiar? Because it should. It’s exactly what Gregory did as well. These two are a match made in Lovesick Teenager heaven. As far as Lucy is concerned, Hermione and Gregory would be a great match, certainly much better than Hermione and Mr. Edmonds. She tries to get Hermione on the same page, but Hermione isn’t interested. If Lucy thinks so highly of Mr. Bridgerton, she should pursue him. Lucy’s, like, but remember – I am already engaged. Hermione’s, like, shrug and I’m kinda with her. I don’t love the sound of this match. Neither does Lucy, REALLY, when she’s not trying to convince herself otherwise. Lord Haselby is a good catch, kind, and pleasant-looking albeit with thinning hair … and wait a minute! How old exactly is Lord Haselby? Because we’re being told that everyone has been waiting for Lucy to grow up so the marriage can happen, and I am getting some icky vibes here.

Anyway, Lucy decides she’s going to take matters into her own hands and Cyrano the hell out of Hermione’s life. Are you even best friends if you’re not manipulating the other’s love life? I think not. Lucy is going to make sure Hermione marries Gregory and not the poor (literally) Mr. Edmonds. Giiiiiiirl. I don’t love the sound of this.

The next morning, Kate is ready to put her matchmaking plan into motion. She’s going to send Lucy and Hermione for a walk down to the village with Gregory and Neville Somebody-or-other. I’m pretty sure this Neville is related to the Nigel in Daphne’s story, and I get the feeling that being a wet blanket runs in that family. Kate thinks she’s setting Gregory up with Lucy, but he’s quick to correct her: he’s interested in Hermione. Kate is disappointed – Gregory is showing a lack of imagination because everyone is interested in Hermione. Between us, I think Kate likes Lucy better and, gee, I wonder why? It surely can’t be because Kate was also inclined to meddle in her BFF’s sister’s love life. Birds of a feather and all that. And just like Lucy, Kate is also going to do her best to get Gregory matched up with Hermione. These women need better hobbies.

They are both going to have their work cut out for them. On the walk to the village, Gregory tries to make small talk with Hermione, who is terminally uninterested and evades his efforts to walk next to her by taking Lucy’s arm instead. It’s up to Lucy to try to get something going. She suggests a picnic and sacrifices herself – by sitting next to the conversational black hole Neville – so Gregory and Hermione can get closer. It’s still all in vain. Gregory tries to charm Hermione, but she’s still not remotely interested. From a distance, Lucy can see how Gregory is going about it all wrong: he’s trying too hard, and Hermione is used to men who try too hard. Lucy suggests that she and Gregory go for a stroll, so she can give him some wooing tips. Tip No. 1? Pull back a bit, be a bit more mysterious. Gregory is initially confused why Lucy wants to help, but eventually agrees to take her advice. Is Lucy suddenly feeling a little bit unsure about her meddling, what with Gregory looking like a total snack? Yep. Serves her right.

That evening, Gregory puts Lucy’s advice into action and keeps away from Hermione. She continues to ignore him and he’s majorly annoyed. I mean … give it a minute, yeah? Not having instant gratification, Gregory is bored and isn’t even hiding it. Kate asks him what’s up – to be honest, as a hostess, I’d be pissed with a member of the family dragging down the party like that. Gregory fills her in on all the gossip about Mr. Edmonds that he got from Lucy. Kate loves goss! Where’s Lady Whistledown when you need her? [She’s retired in Colin Bridgerton’s arms, that’s where she is.] Kate’s advice to Gregory is to wait Hermione out – she’s eventually going to realize that she can’t marry Mr. Nobody Edmonds and will have to consider other options. Poor Mr. Edmonds; nobody’s in his corner. But Gregory is an impatient toddler, so he finds a way to meet Lucy off-scene to complain about how her advice isn’t helping him marry Hermione, like, immediately. Lucy tries to placate him by assuring him that Hermione will realize that she can’t marry her current beau. Gregory is not convinced; if you love someone, you will risk anything to be with them – he would, anyway. Spoken with the confidence of a rich, white guy who’s never risked anything in his life. Ahem. For her part, Lucy is not so sure if she’d be able to risk much of anything, certainly not for the kind of love that Gregory and Hermione are describing to her. It sounds too chaotic. She has a point. Gregory’s, like, you can’t control who you love. Lucy’s, like, that’s what SHE said. She asks Gregory if he would like her to speak to Hermione’s on his behalf, but he declines. Lucy rushes to reassure him that he’s WAY BETTER than the other dude, and there’s no way that Hermione won’t eventually notice it too. She immediately realizes that she may have gushed a little too much about Gregory and, ummm, what is he going to think about that? Gregory’s, like, hmmm maybe I want to kiss Lucy *confused Pikachu face*

Lucy spends the night reliving her foot-in-mouth moment. Honestly, I don’t think it’s THAT mortifying in the context of their discussion. But we’ve all been there: 3 AM, wondering how horribly we messed up a social interaction. By the next morning, Lucy is a wreck and doesn’t want to face anyone, especially not Gregory. She decides to hide in her room, feigning a headache or some such thing. Hermione has no choice but to go down to breakfast alone. She runs into Gregory, who tries again to chat her up. His efforts this time are better received, and he even gets Hermione to laugh. When Hermione later recounts this encounter to Lucy, it’s evident that she’s warming up to Gregory. In fact, she’s confused because while talking to him, she fluttered. This is Hermione-speak for, I presume, getting some tingly feelings. She’s not sure what to do – what does this mean as far as her love for Mr. Edmonds is concerned? – but Lucy tells her to wait and see.

At this point, Lucy’s younger brother, Richard, turns up. Richard is a Lord Somebody-or-other. He’s also in love with Hermione, as Gregory is quick to deduce upon meeting him. Another setback for poor Gregory, who was just now congratulating himself on making some headway with Hermione. Now he’s got more competition on his hands, boo. Still, when the girls come down to see Richard, Gregory manages to whisk Hermione on a walk in the garden. Point to Gregory! Richard has to content himself with breakfast and a chat with his sister. That’s actually why he’s there, anyway: to let her know that their uncle is pushing up Lucy’s wedding. Their uncle, by the way, stands in loco parentis; their parents are both dead. Although Richard is 20 and therefore, technically, old enough to call the shots for himself and his sister, it’s the uncle who is running the show. Getting some Villain Uncle vibes, how about you?  Richard can see that Lucy isn’t especially thrilled at the news of her accelerated engagement. He tries to cheer her up by noting that Lord Haselby isn’t that bad and if that’s not damning with faint praise, I don’t know what is. Lucy feels empty and adrift and, gee, I wonder why that could be the case?

Listen, the truth is that not much actually happens in this book until the last couple of chapters, so Julia Quinn is dragging out the will-they-won’t-they-realize-who-they’re-really-in-love-with for TOO DAMN LONG.

Later, Gregory runs into Lucy, looking kinda sad, in the garden. He tells her that Richard is in love with Hermione, which Lucy refuses to believe. Why, considering she has first-hand experience with men falling instantly in love with Hermione all over the place? No idea, except that this plot still needs some padding. Gregory is sulky because he thinks Lucy is now going to help her brother win Hermione instead of helping him. Lucy’s, like, weeeeell I do owe my loyalty to my brother … but, no, since she doesn’t believe her brother loves Hermione, she’s still putting all her eggs in Gregory’s basket. Sorry, that sounds naughtier than it is. Still, Lucy warns Gregory not to get any ideas and challenge Richard to a duel; Richard is a crack shot. Their father taught them both how to shoot guns at an early age because they lived near the Dover coast which was full of smugglers and spies, oh my. I smell a plot point that may or may not become relevant later. Gregory teases Lucy about how she must like him since she’s so willing to help him and what not, and Lucy feels mortified all over again. I guess Lucy looks cute when she’s flustered because Gregory’s, like, damn she’s cute!

The next evening, we are still at Aubrey Hall because this is the longest house party in history. It’s time for a masked ball. Gregory is pumped; he thinks something life-changing is going to happen. He ends up dancing with Lucy, but no – this is NOT the moment when he realizes that she’s actually The One. He has noticed that Lucy is a lot like Kate (whom he admires): intelligent, no nonsense, just a little bit sly (this is a good thing, I guess), and good fun all around. All fine and good BUT he’s still hankering after Hermione who … is nowhere to be found. Neither is Richard. They were dancing together one moment, then gone the next. Uh oh. Gregory has a bad feeling about this, as he probably should. He tells Lucy that they MUST find Hermione and Richard, immediately. Kate joins them because Kate can smell scandal and wants a front seat. You and me both, babe. They search for the missing duo all over the house, and eventually find them in the orangery. Long story short: Richard and Hermione are now engaged. Kate, a connoisseur of compromising situations, takes this in stride, but Gregory is, like, GET ME DRUNK NOW.

Some unspecified but not insignificant number of drinks later, Gregory runs into Lucy in a hallway of the house. She’s, like, sorry you got your heart broken. Gregory’s, all, nah I’m good – you good? Lucy isn’t sure, she’s kind of overwhelmed by the evening’s turn of events. To top it all off, Gregory just ups and kisses her out of the blue. Lucy feels “awakened” which is good AND bad. Good for obvious reasons, bad because Gregory is not her actual fiancé. She eventually pulls away long enough to remind Gregory of this fact. He insists on walking her to her bedroom which seems like a pointless chivalry but then again, Gregory is drunk and all.

Not so drunk, however, that he doesn’t remember the kiss the next morning. No, he remembers it and it was “magnificent”. He waves aside Kate’s commiseration over the Hermione situation which isn’t top of his mind now. He needs to talk to Lucy since he can’t stop thinking about her.

Meanwhile Hermione and Lucy are having a chat. Hermione tries to explain herself to Lucy. See, Gregory made her question whether she was truly in love with Mr. Edmonds, and then when she was alone with Richard, it felt like she was coming home. Lucy thinks that sounds nice, but she’s not sure if Lord Haselby is her homing beacon and what not. Hermione keeps describing her feelings about Richard – she feels comfortable and safe with him, finds it easy to talk to him, and really really really likes to kiss him (unlike Mr. Edmonds who I guess was cute in a Ken doll kind of way). Lucy has a lightbulb moment: that’s EXACTLY how she feels about Gregory. Oops.

Later, she runs into him in the garden. Gregory apologizes for the kiss, and Lucy’s, like, it’s fine, no harm done. Gregory angles for a date suggests that they’ll run into each other in London, but Lucy shuts him down. She’s engaged to be married shortly. For real for real, Gregory asks. 1000% for real. Gregory is taken aback but manages to offer felicitations. While Lucy tells him she’s sorry things didn’t work out for him and Hermione, Gregory realizes that things would never have worked out anyway – he would have been bored with Hermione. This guy falls in and out of “love” faster than I change my nail polish. This would be a good time for him to tell Lucy about his feelings, but he doesn’t. As she walks away, he’s left with a vague sense that something is wrong. No sh*t, Sherlock.

1 Month Later

Lucy is in London, preparing for her wedding, and she is MISERABLE. Gregory had not reacted to the news of engagement with anything approaching emotion so Lucy’s pretty sure he doesn’t love her, but she loves him so she keeps hoping to see him. No luck; Gregory is MIA and she’s stuck with someone else. And her prospects of marital bliss aren’t so rosy. Her future father-in-law, the Earl of Davenport, is a misogynistic asshole who asks her to do math at the dinner table so he can decide whether or not she’s an “imbecile” not fit to procreate with his son. Lovely! At least the son, Lord Haselby, is apologetic about the whole thing and not afraid to stand up to his horrid father. Maybe he won’t be a complete nightmare as Lucy’s husband. Meanwhile, Hermione and Richard get married which only serves to remind Lucy that she will never get her own Happily Ever After. If she’s lucky, she’ll get a Not Entirely Miserable Ever After.

A week before the wedding, she finally runs into Gregory, randomly, at a park. He’s only now returned to London which is weird because didn’t he plan on seeing Lucy? What exactly does Gregory have to do that he couldn’t come down sooner? Nothing is what. Anyway, he can’t get the kiss with Lucy out of his mind but is still unsure why. DUDE, SERIOUSLY: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME? How is it possible that you haven’t even figured out this one, obvious thing?? Gregory tells Lucy that he’s over Hermione and that, if Lucy ever falls madly in love, she shouldn’t trust those feelings. Speak for yourself, my guy. Lucy’s, like, no chance of mad love with Lord Haselby, so I guess I’m good. Gregory is shocked to find out the identity of the man whom Lucy is marrying. Why, you ask? Well, use your imagination because Gregory is keeping mum for now. Instead, he invites Lucy to a society shindig at Daphne’s house the following day. Lucy isn’t sure she’ll be allowed to attend, but Gregory assures her that he’ll manage it.

Actually, it’s Violet who manages it. Violet is always having to manage tricky situations for her kids. In this case, she’s happy to do this because she’s curious to meet Lucy; Kate has been telling everyone in the family about her. Gregory tries to downplay the whole thing – she’s totes just a friend, mom! – but nobody is buying it. Even though both Violet and Hyacinth have been invited to Lucy’s wedding, they seem to be treating it like some sort of optional event. That’s kinda rude? Well, it turns out that the reason Gregory is worried about Lucy marrying Lord Haselby is because he’s gay. He wonders whether he should tell Lucy and OH MY GOD I HOPE SOMEBODY DOES. Gregory thinks Lucy would love to be a mother and have lots of kids and, well, while her future husband’s sexual preferences might not be a total impediment to that prospect, someone should STILL TELL LUCY. Preferably before the wedding.

At the party, Gregory sees Lucy from a distance and finally realizes that she is The One. Took ya long enough! They dance and Gregory arranges for them to meet alone, with Hyacinth’s help. Hyacinth arranges an “accident” that requires Lucy to have the hem of her dress mended in a room upstairs. While they’re fixing the dress, waiting for Gregory to show up, Hyacinth asks Lucy if she’s ready to bail on her engagement – one week before a huge society wedding, no less – risk everything to be with Gregory. Seems presumptuous since Lucy has never actually told ANYONE that she loves Gregory, and Gregory doesn’t strike me as the type of dude likely to have women falling over themselves to marry him. Lucy isn’t sure she can buck convention, society gossip, and the whole nine yards. Hyacinth is mad at Lucy for being risk-averse and honest about it, which is par for the course for these volatile Bridgertons but also – mind your own business, Hyacinth. She huffily tells Lucy that she hopes Lucy has misjudged herself and walks out. Ok, drama queen.

Gregory finally turns up and tells Lucy that she can’t marry Lord Haselby – he’s gay. Lucy’s, like, why tell me now? She could have been happy never knowing this fact and Gregory has ruined everything. I am not sure I agree with Lucy’s take on this, but she’s entitled to her feelings. FINALLY Gregory’s, like, pick me, love me, kiss me! And they do. Kiss, that is. Nothing else more risqué happens, which is a surprise given how horny this series has been in general. Gregory tells Lucy that he loves her and asks her to marry him. She says yes.

The fly in the ointment is her uncle. Lucy goes to see him and tell him that she wants to break things off with Lord Haselby. But the uncle drops a bombshell: she can’t back out. Lord Davenport has been blackmailing their family for years because he has written proof that Lucy’s dad was a spy in the Napoleonic wars, and the “pay off” required is for Lucy to marry his son. Spying being tantamount to treason, their family can’t afford for the evidence to come to light. Backed into a corner, Lucy agrees to go through with the wedding.

A week later, Gregory is desperate because he hasn’t heard from Lucy. And – throwback to the Prologue – he decides it’s time for drastic measures. He runs to the church and interrupts the wedding. But when he asks Lucy again to marry him, she says … no. All hell breaks loose. Hyacinth loses her mind and has to be dragged off by Violet to avoid making a scene. Lord Davenport is blustering in the background. The only calm person is Lord Haselby, who’s got his popcorn out. Lucy asks him why he didn’t do anything when Gregory stomped up the aisle, and Lord Haselby is, like, why would I, this is the best free entertainment going. No, actually he tells Lucy that he wanted to see what she would say. He’s flattered that she’s willing to go through with the wedding and assures her that he’ll be a kind husband. Meanwhile, Gregory is still in shock. He asks Lucy why she said no. She tells him that she had no choice. The Bridgertons decamp from the church, and Lucy marries Lord Haselby. When I tell you this book is full of unnecessary complications, I mean it.

Gregory is down but he’s not out. Instead of returning home with the rest of his family, he stops the carriage and gets out. He’s got a wedding reception to crash at the Davenports’. I will give him this: he’s persistent. And a good thing too: Lucy is bereft. She slips away from the festivities so she can have a good cry in an upstairs bedroom. You’ll never guess who she runs into. Well, actually, you will: it’s Gregory. He guesses that she’s being blackmailed and tells her he’s going to fix everything. In order to do that he … ties her up and hides her in a water closet? What?!? I guess he’s afraid that she’s not going to keep out of the way and will go spill the beans because something something honour and duty. I honestly don’t get it; either Lucy wants to be rescued from this predicament or she doesn’t. And if she’s still not sure what she really wants by this point … I give up. Anyway, Lucy finally tells him the Big Secret about her dad being a spy. Gregory isn’t fazed. He loves Lucy and without her he is nothing. SEE, I TOLD YOU GREGORY IS A WIFE GUY! They do a million rounds of “I love yous” and then Gregory leaves her in the water closet, still tied up. Oh my f*cking God. He promises he’ll come right back after everything gets fixed up. I’m sure it will be very quick and nothing will intervene to ruin their plans.

Gregory goes to Lucy’s room and finds Hermione there. She’s not exactly thrilled to see him at first, but quickly jumps on the Save Lucy train once he explains what’s happening. Richard and Lord Haselby are summoned to a secret meeting. Gregory asks Lord Haselby if he is willing to release Lucy, aka agree to an annulment. Lord Haselby is, like, duh or I wouldn’t be here. You know, Lord Haselby is basically an animated plot device in this entire story – he just does whatever is required to move the story forward. But for real: why would someone go to the trouble of getting married in very public fashion – presumably in order to maintain a public image required by the (homophobic) mores of the day – only to turn around two hours later and agree to an annulment? Isn’t that going to cause an even bigger scandal and more gossip than not getting married at all? Make it make sense. Anyway, Gregory tells Richard and Lord Haselby that Lucy was blackmailed into the marriage. Lord Haselby is quick to point out that he knew nothing about that and has always wondered why Lucy had agreed to the wedding. They eventually figure out that the whole scheme started with Lucy and Richard’s uncle – he (not their father) was the treasonous spy and was trying to cover his tracks. I still have no idea if the Earl of Davenport pushed for the wedding as part of the blackmail or whether the uncle came up with the idea and the Earl just played along, and honestly it doesn’t matter; Lord Haselby will handle his dad and make sure that he won’t make a fuss over the annulment. With everything sorted out, it’s time to go fetch Lucy.

Too bad someone has already kidnapped her.

Yes, it’s the evil uncle of course. He’s got Lucy bound and blindfolded and he’s gonna make her go through with the marriage. WHAT? Why?? How??? Look, I have no idea what’s going on at this point. None of it makes sense. It’s just a lot of derring-do to give this story a last shot of adrenaline. It’s best not to dwell on the logistics. There is an inevitable showdown between the uncle (who is holding Lucy at gunpoint) and Gregory, and Gregory manages to shoot the uncle (not fatally) without killing Lucy in the process. This is a big win for Gregory who, as you might recall, is a terrible shot. Love can help us do anything, yay!

In the aftermath, Lord Haselby tells Lucy that they’ll be unmarried by, like, the next day. What with all the shootings and blackmail, nobody is going to be looking at him as the reason for the annulment. Wait! I thought we were planning to keep the blackmail a secret? No?? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? I give up. Lucy tries to be helpful by offering to find Lord Haselby another wife which is both sweet and weird at the same time and also I hope they plan on telling the woman the truth before that wedding. I totally get why a marriage of convenience might work for Lord Haselby and a prospective wife – people didn’t exactly get to march to the beat of their own drums in the 19^th century – and it’s all fine by me as long as everyone is on the same page regarding ground rules, expectations and what not. Lord Haselby is ready to take Lucy up on her matchmaking offer; he doesn’t really want a wife but he needs to have kids so that the title won’t pass to his sh*tty cousins and AGAIN I AM BEGGING Y’ALL TO MAKE SURE THAT THE NEXT WOMAN IS AWARE OF ALL OF THIS AND AGREES TO THE ARRANGEMENT WITH HER EYES OPEN. Lucy thanks Lord Haselby for his help and he’s, like, I can’t help it, I’m a romantic. Even though that gets him into trouble, people can’t change their nature, etc. That’s cool, Julia Quinn. A bit heavy-handed with the subtext, but ok. How about next time we don’t use gay people as a plot device, though?

And that’s about it. All the loose ends are tied up – evil uncle is put on the first boat out of England and the Earl of Davenport is reverse blackmailed (?) into keeping his mouth shut – and Gregory and Lucy can finally do what they apparently love best: exchanging interminable “I love yous” for ever and ever, amen.

Epilogue no. 1 tells us that Gregory and Lucy also enjoy making babies. Eight of them, to be precise. Gregory, in fact, continues to have no other occupation except being Wife Guy and Lucy … well, to be fair, she’s got her hands full with 7 kids plus one more on the way. Except that, plot twist, it’s TWINS! That’s right, Gregory has beat his own parents at the procreating game. The Bridgertons really are an awful lot like the Duggars, hey?

Epilogue no. 2 picks up after the twins’ birth and it’s all about how Lucy suffers complications and almost dies. Not exactly the romance novel escapism I was looking for. Anyway, she pulls through and they all live happily ever after. The end.

No, for real: this is it. This is the end of the Bridgerton saga. In the comments, feel free to tell me which one was your favourite; no points for guessing mine. And stay tuned for an announcement about what’s coming next!